Soulless Cavity
She sat on her front porch listening to the night sounds.
The crickets, the tree frogs, the night birds. That chatter from
the world. She wondered how easy it could be to leave. Just leave
like others have. Just leave. She could grab her purse, she already
had an emergency bag in the car for bad weather. Make a stop at the ATM
and take what little money she had left in it. Drive the car to a parking
lot someplace, she was not sure where, just one that felt right to her, or she
could drive till it ran out of gas and leave it there. Put the keys
inside, then lock the door and start walking.
She would also leave her medicines behind. No reason to take
them anymore. She only took them to stay alive for people in her life,
not herself. She would walk away from that too. No more drugs
running in her body to keep her life going. She did not have a life
anymore, so why keep it going. She would take her chances with the cancer
and the blood infection. Just leave it all in the bathroom cabinet and
go. Everyone that promised they would be with her and love her and help
her left. So now she was going to leave.
Leave the grocery list on the fridge. The bills for last
month were not paid yet, so what. She was the only one worrying about
them, she stopped worrying. People she trusted more than herself broke
her trust in all people. They blamed her because she was too organized
and did what they asked and wanted of her. She was no longer exciting,
she was boring, fat, ugly and even a bad mom and person. She was asked
why does she even exist by one of these so called loved ones.
Yes, she would grab her purse, get her car keys, stop at the bank
and take what little she had there and drive until the car ran out of gas.
But in the opposite direction of him. He was the start, he ran from
her, lying about why he had to leave. Strung her on for years, making
promises he never meant to keep. Waiting for her medicine to heal her but
it was going too slow for him. So he left completely.
She could not stay. He had killed her and cut out her soul.
Like a pact made with the devil. Here soul was gone, no desire, no
ambition, no purpose. Not because she thought she could not live with out
him, but because of the betrayal. The calculated, planned betrayal.
But she also knew that if he came to find her and said he was back to
stay she would believe him. She would go blindly where he wanted her to
go. All because he had her soul now.
So she grabbed her purse, keys, turned and locked the door behind
her and got in the car. She could go for a while on a full tank of gas.
She hoped it stopped in the middle of a highway that had no traffic and
no town for miles. She wanted to be alone with her cold soulless body. Only
the cavity of where her heart used to beat could keep her company now.
Knowing no one would come looking for her because they all cared nothing
for her.
aswg
8/05/2014
